oh septmber, how i abhor you

one month in and i'm dying.
school's not even that hard this year. acutally, even though i have more courses than either semesters last year, and i'm actally keeping up with most of my readings, this year isn't going to well so far.
i should have listened to my family when they said that moving in with 5 other girls wasn't a good idea. i can't stand it anymore. girls are gross. our kitchen smelled like something died in it yesterday, and there's always dirty dishes everywhere. now i don't want to just sit here and complain all the time (which unfortunately seems like it's all i do about this darn house..sorry) but i just don't understand how girls who i thought were pretty tidy, considering their need for a perfect looking room all the time, could possibly be so disgusting. i am so grateful for the room that i have though, because it's such a great escape. i may be making it seem like i'm antisocial or something, but i'm just not like the rest of them. i'm also grateful that michelle is in the house. she's the only one who makes the effort to come all the way up to my floor, and to include me in things. is it wrong if i start feeling bad becuase they've stopped asking me to do stuff with them? of course, it's things that i'll say no to, like going to this kegger tonight.. but still. it's like i'm the roommate that they don't really know. another person added to the group to lower the rent a little. i just wish that sometimes the other girls wouldn't forget about me. i may be quiet around them, becuase i don't like talking about what they're talking about, or i don't want to start some kind of debate, because we have majorly different beliefs, morals and values, but that doesn't mean that i should be ignored. supposedly we're only supposed to have 4 people living in our house, so right now we're two over the limit. if two have to leave, i wonder if it would be me. of course i know who i'd want to leave, to make this house a little more pleasant, but if it were me, what would i do? quit school for this year? go work somewhere at home? there's no way that anyone could find another reasonable place to live now, or especally in the middle of the semester. and commuting is out of the question.
eff word. this sucks. it all sucks.
at least i have michelle. and tuesdays are awesome with erin, cause we have no problem discussing how this school and everything around it could be so much better and everyone's retarded. (oh no.. we're not cynical..yet).
thank goodness josh is coming for the weekend. i need something to trust in.
i need to paint something.
eff.