the only purpose of my staying here is to stay a little longer

how long are we supposed to be here? is life extended past a certain point because we are each supposed to do something really important or something? some life changing experience or event that we are supposed to take part in? are we supposed to each be a huge influence in the life of someone else? have i been a big enough influence on someone in this world? did i make a difference in that man's life that i and some friends took out for dinner? he was homeless and we bought him some dinner. did i impact his life enough for him to always remember me and my friends? or was it completely useless? did a filled stomach from some strange kids change the was this man now lives? and what kind of impact am i supposed to be making here now? that was a couple years ago, yet i still remember it, crystal clear actually. i don't feel like i'm making much of a difference here. i'm learning so much, but what for? i haven't decided on a major, or what i want to do with this education. am i just wasting my and my parents hard earned money. i worked my butt off to get here and i guess that i'm doing ok, but the motivation to do anything has worn off already.. one week into new classes and i just want to paint all day again. at home i never had the longing to paint all day.. so why is it that i only have that feeling when i'm spending ridiculous amounts to live on my own. maybe that's just it. i needed the independance to find myself. but i've only found that i just want to paint. ugh.. too bad that the only time i have for it (realistically) is supposed to be spent on the assignments for my painting class. portraits. awful. self portraits. even worse. everyone around me says that i did a fantastic job, but i hated it. and yes, mpst artists, especially young ones say that they hate their work, but i usually like my stuff. maybe my impact on other's lives should be put forth in my paintings...i guess we'll see.