lost and found

Emma’s post about being able to break up with a friend really got me thinking. She makes complete sense. It is completely natural to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but when it comes to a friend, why does it have to be awkward or difficult?

A friend of mine recently approached me with a problem she was having with one of her friends. My friend, we’ll call her Casta, said that she had received a letter from her best friend, we’ll call her Best (cheesy I know). I guess the two of them had been having problems in their relationship that Casta wasn’t aware of. The letter from Best was pretty much a break up letter. Casta was shocked, both because it was unexpected and break up letters from friends just aren’t very common. Casta became quite flustered, and wanted to know, from me, if the things that Best had accused her of were true. Now this is where things became difficult.

I want to first say that I love my friend Casta. She is an amazing person, and an excellent friend. However, over the last year or so, we have drifted apart. We are still friends, although probably not as close are we were last year. School, work and distance have joined forces to weaken our friendship, but it is still there. We’ve had our ups and downs, fun times and disappointments along the way. But through all of the bad times, I never actually thought of dumping her. I guess I just don’t work that way. I want the best of things, and I didn’t want it to end. I tried to talk things out with her, and it has worked.

(Now I know that this now sounds contradictory to the above statement when I said that friend break ups should be natural. I still agree with that, but I guess that I would rather try to work stuff out first.)

I’ve never really been part of a friend break up. I’ve lost friends, but it’s usually through distance and just drifting apart. But I also believe that maybe that is what is supposed to happen. Maybe those friends that have drifted away from me aren’t supposed to be in my life right now. Maybe they were one of those moment or season friends that people talk about, not the lifetime ones. I think most people who lose friends without a big dramatic break up don’t even get bothered by the fact that they’ve lost friends. I could just be that natural.

I feel bad for my friend Casta. She shouldn’t have had to have that break up come so unexpectedly. But who knows, maybe it was for the best. Maybe she has something better coming along.