best first dance ever

i showed this to my mom, and she told my bf that he better own it on the dance floor now.
amazing... oh man.

J. P.

i wish that i had this three years ago.

.........
Let it die and get out of my mind
We don't see eye to eye
Or hear ear to ear

Don't you wish that we could forget that kiss
And see this for what it is
That we're not in love

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

It was hard to tell just how I felt
To not recognize myself
I started to fade away

And after all it won't take long to fall in love
Now I know what I don't want
I learned that with you

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start
The tragedy starts from the very first spark
Losing your mind for the sake of your heart
The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start
.........



why is it still weird?
oh yeah.. no closure.
way to be a man.
way to be a woman.

victorian

jenevive

6 days

semester's almost done. it's kinda weird how fast it has gone by. i only have more essay to do.
it snowed today.. which means that if this keeps up, my 8:30 am classes next semester are going to blow. but i guess that's the price that i have to pay as a wmst major, and these are the classes that i have to take... at 8:30 in the morning. yay.
it doesn't feel like christmas is coming so soon. i am definitely looking forward to the break though, and my own bed, cause this one's starting to hurt.

so many friends are getting married now. keeps me thinking about it ALL the time. it's getting kinda ridiculous. after looking at magazines all summer with beth, all i want to do is look at them, cause they're actually kinda neat. there's so much in the planning that i never thought of. makes me want to be planning one really bad.. but i think that needs to be a little while off still.

funny, i had the intention of writing something completely different when i opened up this page to write. yet now that i have this open, i can't remember for the life of me what the heck i wanted to write. it could be that grey's anatomy doesn't help with focusing. good thing that i'm not planning on doing homework for the next half hour. there are ridiculous demands that are made on this show. almost makes it too obvious that it's not real. but that's TV i guess.

wow, university had taught me so much. i can analyze everything in my life pretty well, but i can't analyze philosophical writings by 18th century women. (i guess that's cause i can't understand most of the sentences that they write, which are 10 lines long each. i guess that punctuation wasn't that important in the 1700s.) sucks that this class is really good, i just suck at it.

les gars, tu me manques

sister suffragette

motion paint

i love television, and i love websites

my eyes are tired and my body is sore, but my heart is warm, and that is making everything better.

bah.
this history exam (take-home..excellent you would think) is eating my soul, as well as my easter weekend.
and my thighs are so hot right now from the lap top that i think my jeans are going to be burned to my skin.

in other news... disagreements completely suck. and crying does not make them any better, only worse.

also. i'm finally getting out of my shitty house in g-uelph... only good thing there was michelle. i want her to come with me, but she doesn't think she can..
my room there looks so empty now.. but my basement here at home is now full.
only three more days where i have to go back, and face the stench of rotty food smell and a rotty kitchen.

i just finished watching Babel with my fam.
worst. movie. ever.
but there was a preview for perfume:the story of a murderer, and i'm stoked to see that. (i also want to read the book).

there's a party at the forkuns tonight, and i'm not there, cause i'm taking time off from the boy. the only reason i know that there's a party there though, is cause he called, but also warned me that he was going to be there too.

ugh. i'm soo confused with everything. and i don't know what to do anymore, or what to think, what to feel, and mostly what to say. i think i've maybe said enough, and words aren't what's needed anymore. but i don't know what else to give.

i miss alison.

o. m. geez

c'est mardi

J'adore ma vie.. c'est ritualistique comme l'église. (Point Un: Je déteste la ritualisme des églises).
Je n'adore pas pas vie.. c'est ritualistiqe comme l'église. (Point Deux: Je déteste la ritualisme des églises).
J'adore la bibliothéque.. c'est tanquille. (Point trois: La silence c'est, des fois, assoudissante).
J'adore que mes dissertations sont finis. Soyons finis. (Point quatre: Je ne sais pas assez la verbe finir).

juste une autre minute

why is it that all the best talks seem to begin way to late at night, when one should be heading off to bed? these are especially stressing when they're talks that go on and on for hours, and neither communicator wishes to stop, even when both know that stopping as soon as possible would probably be a good idea.

First day home

She says that she came home with two new boobs. Now, this isn't exactly the truth. Well, not entirely. In reality she came home with only one boob, and a huge insicion that has been closed up with lots of neat and perfectly spaced staples. The two new boobs, are just little bubbles, little drain that collect all the junk that's oozing out of the wound while it heals. We all joke, but know that deep down, there is a serious undertone beneath our smiles.
It is good though, that she's home. It's better to be here, where things are familiar, and comfortable instead of the sterile white walls of a hospital that has that hospital smell.
It's hard sometimes though to figure out what to say about it all, hard to articulate feelings properly. Sometimes I don't know whether to cry or not, whether it's appropriate to laugh or not.
One feeling that I do know for sure about though is that I love my mom. She is so important to me, and such a strong influence and representation of a great woman, and I am grateful that she is strong enough to get through all this.. I know that she'll be able to.

bush sucks.

i miss this girl..

je veux les savoir, vos plans

I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am. When you leave for good this fall will I be forgiven? And if you want roses, I'll buy a bouquet. If that just won't cut it, well what can I say? You’re what keeps me believing this world’s not gone dead, strength in my bones and the words in my head. They pour out to paper, it's all for you cause that’s what you do, thats what you do. I want to know your fears, and if you'll forget me next year. And when the jets go up and out will your heart stay here? If you could forgive me, for being so brash, well you, you could hit me or whip me, oh I’d savor each lash. You’re what keeps me believing the world’s not gone dead, strength in my bones and words in my head, they pour out to paper, its all for you cause that’s what you do. No more fighting it is only a waste of our time 'cause soon we’ll be leavin. Will this strength still be mine? I'll look out for you, till I die, 'till I rot. Oh I'll remember you, till I die, 'till I rot.
You’re what keeps me believing the world’s not gone dead,strength in my bones and the words in my head they pour out to paper, its all for you. You’re what keeps me believing the world’s not gone dead, strength in my bones and words in my head. They pour out to paper, its all for you cause that's what you do...

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Time Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

autumn vs. fiction

Oh why can't I be what you need?
A new improved version of me.
But I'm nothing so good
no, I'm nothing...
just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
of violence, of love, and of sorrow.
I beg for just one more tomorrow!
Where you'd hold me down, fold me in
deep deep deep in the heart of your sins.

I'd break in two over you
I'd break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life!
But you don't see me. You dont.

Here I'm pinned between darkness and light,
bleached and blinded by these nights.
Where I'm tossing and tortured till dawn
by you, visions of you, then you're gone.
The shock bleeds the red from my face,
when i hear someone's taken my place.
How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel?
When all, all that i did was for you...

I'd break in two over you
I'd break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life!
But you dont see me. You don't.

I'd break in two over you
I'd break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life!
But you don't see me. You don't.

I'd break in two over you,
I'd break in two over you! Over you
I'd break in two,
I would break in two for you.
Now you see me, now you don't.
Now you need me, now you don't.






You might be just what I need
No I would not change a thing
Been dreaming of this so long
But we only exist in this song
The thing is, I'm not worth the sorrow
And if you come and meet me tomorrow
I will hold you down, fold you in
Deep, deep, deep in the fiction we live
I break in two over you
I break in two
And if a piece of you dies
Autumn, I will bring you back to life
Of course I see you
I do.

fast

i feel like i'm falling... falling away.




what happens when someone disappears?
are they forgotten?

eff word

life sucks.




and all that i want to do right now is get into bed and sleep forever.. and possibly cry.

and i don't think that anyone or anything can really make me happy right now.

S.A.D. much? i think so.

i hate winter. and everything about it, especially the fact that stupid schools decide to put majority of a students school like in the most depressing time of year. as if school didn't suck enough already.

yes. i'm a complainer. but i don't know what else to do right now.

and i have class in half an hour, in the coldest classroom i have ever been in.
shoot me in the face.



oh yeah,, all this, and jen says she has "shitty news". i wonder if i'm out of a house.



eff word.

your comatose conviction means nothing to me

[ Praxis is the touchtone of our thought.
Minds inform our movement making music with our actions - we are all musicians; dancing to the beat of a thousand different drums - combined in tribal counterpoint - until the chaos is so loud it can no longer be heard, only felt - and these words are not spoken, but they are yelled. ]





All of your words have fallen to the ground.
You have sold yourself to vanity.
I see your masks, falsehood seeps from you.
But I don't believe a single tale from you.
You scream of destruction and of anarchy.
You writhe in the pain of a love once lost.
But I don't buy a word, not one word.
You sell what's true of yourself (for) vain silver.
Every last drop of your blood runs cold; (you) stale cadaver.
When did your heart last beat (you) whitewashed corpses?
Your pulse has faded - your face so pale (you) stale cadaver.
If this is oppression, your heart should be beating.
If you are a warrior, your foe should be bleeding.
If this really hurts you, I should find you weeping.
I've only just met you yet, I find that your comatose conviction means nothing to me.
Choke on your glory.
I won't let you suffocate what now lives.
Art is the depth of our essence, it cannot be void of truth.
The truth of your expression has withered - your wick has become cold.
You cannot buy what's real.
You cannot buy the truth.

flying

last night, i was looking at the big world map that i have on my wall, and i realized something...


















Ghana is really far away.

new

un autre fois

bibliothéque encore. sa fait trois fois maintenant. je cais te parler en français seulement pour mel. mel ma belle. tu te manques ma petite.
cetter weekend sera mon anniversaire aver mon petit amie, et je ne said pas quoi faire. les cadeaux sont tellement typiques, et je n'ai pas d'argent pour se dépenser.
qu'est ce que je vais faire alors?
je veux changer ma place d'éducation. l'université de guelph est fantastique, mais je veux etre plus proche a mes amies. surtout plus proche avec melissa. mais l'année prochaine elle va etre en ghana. alors je serais seule encore.
qu'est ce que je vais faire?
je ne sais pas quoi faire. c'est un phrase que je dis plusieurs fois chaque journée, mais aujourd'hui, je le jure que ce sont mest exacts émotions.

bibliothéque point deux

I wonder is this is going to become a tuesday ritual. Eating gross food in the library waiting for class to begin. Cause as of right now, it sucks.
I long for the comforts of home. For a real home to myself, where I get to chose with whom I want to share it with. I am constantly thinking about what I want for a house one day, and I wish that it were feasable right now. I'm sick of throwing so much money away on renting, when you don't really get anything out of it. This system is lame, and I'm slowly becoming the same as a result of it.
Making this silly sculpture that I had to over the weekend made me realize how much creativiy is really lost in this system. Not just the rental system, but the worldly system in general. Man has created so many things to supposedly make things easier for human survival. Yet so much more has been created out of luxury, not mere survival. I know that this is a typical rant for someone who is slowly beginning to hate the world and most things that it is made up of, but I really believe it too. This world sucks, and living in the luxuries that I've begun to get accustomed to isn't helping. I want to live simpler, and with less things. I have so much stuff that I own, that I really don't need. But I still have a longing for my room to look rad, or to dress less plainly, so it is hard to escape.
(p.s. the quiet section of the library sucks when there's people who have signed out a room to where you're working and they won't keep the door closed..I don't need to hear a lecture that I haven't signed up for!)
I don't know what to do anymore!

And I want to be able to share things, write something neat, intriguing, not boring like the above.. yet nothing ever happens here. Nothing.
But how much happens at home?







I miss mel. Alot.

for my Em.

do you ever worry that she is going to corrupt him?
for some reason right now, i think about it lots.